Thursday, August 18, 2011

Quote of the Day - August 18, 2011.

"Never bought into that alcohol is a depressant thing. Booze isn't the darkness. Booze is the bonfire of incalculable joy."
~ Modern Drunkard

Thursday, June 09, 2011

298.

So hey, you may remember, 5 years ago, when I said I wanted to shoot for 300 bars. At the time I figured I could easily knock off the remaining 65 inside of a year.

(That was back before I learned about economics and recessions, of course.)

There've been some pretty poor years since then - between November 2009 and November 2010, for instance, I only added 5 bars.

Well, I stepped it up a little since Christmas, and now I'm up to 298. Only a matter of time now...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Quote of the Day - March 16, 2011.

"Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough."
~ Mark Twain

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Pearls of Wisdom.

A couple bits of drunken advice that I gave to people last month:
Have a beer and stop whining.

And of course:
Tread lightly; drink heavily.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Two Roads to Courage.

Just saw this online. Now that's a must-have accessory - bourbon and brass knuckles.

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Thursday, November 25, 2010

"Scotch is the Handsome Man's Drink of Choice."

Greetings, loyal readers and booze hags. Mainly I just wanted to draw attention to the quote in the post title, courtesy of the awesome and talented Caitlin H. Last night she attended a Scotch tasting (something everybody should try at least once), and it sounds like she had a blast.

You can read all about it right here.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Zero-Gravity Beer for Astronauts.

No, I'm not making this up:

...where would space tourism be without space beer? Luckily, Astronauts4Hire, a non-profit space research corporation, has the situation in hand. They are about to test an Australian beer that's brewed and bottled especially for consumption in microgravity.

More here.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Biofuel From Whiskey By-Products?

I have to admit, this caught my eye:
Scientists say they have created a new biofuel made from whisky by-products which could be used to help power cars currently on the road. Edinburgh Napier University has filed a patent for the product, which can be used in ordinary cars without any special adaptions, scientists said.
You can read more here.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Barrel-Aged Cocktails.

This is a new one on me. Something I'd love to try out, though:
A hundred some-odd dollars in liquor later, I was nervously pouring a gallon of pre-batched rye Manhattans into a small, used oak cask whose previous contents were a gallon Madeira wine. I plugged the barrel and sat back in anxious anticipation; if the experiment was a success I’d have a delicious cocktail to share at the bar – if it was a failure then I’d be pouring the restaurant’s money down the floor drain.
You can read the rest right here.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Are You Going?

For the 11th year, [San Francisco] will be the backdrop to Whiskies of the World® Expo, a celebration of whiskies from near and far as well as other artisanal distilled spirits.

At WoW, you will have the opportunity to sample a wide range of Whiskies: from the biggest brand names to expressions from the world’s greatest independent bottlers to some of the rarest bottles in the world. Whiskies from the US, Scotland, Ireland, Canada and Japan. Maybe even a few that will surprise the most savvy connoisseur.
Find out more here.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

"Toasted" Maker's Mark.

The latest in bourbon news: Maker's Mark is planning to release a more intensely-flavoured version of their bourbon, using toasted oak staves. No official word on the Maker's website, but I'm assuming this is the source of the oak.

Read more here and here.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Alcohol Substitute?

Does this sound like good news or bad news to you?
An alcohol substitute that mimics its pleasant buzz without leading to drunkenness and hangovers is being developed by scientists.
You can read more here.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Anything you like, as long as it's rum.

"On a recent night at Roneria Caracas, a bar with its own name tucked inside a restaurant in Williamsburg named Caracas Brooklyn, a young woman with jet-black hair, a small barbell piercing her nose, and gashes in her earlobe from a former surfeit of earrings took a stool at the corner of the bar. “I like whiskey,” she announced to the bartender.

Gently, but without apology, the bartender replied, “I cannot make you anything with whiskey.”

Read more here.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

In case you were wondering...

... if it's time to start drinking yet, here's your answer.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Quote of the Day - November 26/09

"Say it loud, say it plowed!"
~ Pól Rua

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Long-lost Whisky.

Now this is dedication:

Drilling for whisky.

And I'd definitely love to try it.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Good News!

The latest in booze-related health news:

Alcohol protects men's hearts.

So it's not just for curing heartache after all.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Quote of the Day - August 24/09

"My friends, I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about whiskey. All right, here is how I feel about whiskey.

If when you say "whiskey" you mean the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation and despair and shame and helplessness and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.

But if when you say "whiskey" you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman's step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life's great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm, to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.

This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise."
~ Noah S. Sweat, Jr., April 4, 1952

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Quote of the Day - June 13/09

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? Y'know, there's a support group for that - it's called 'Everybody'. We meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey

Thursday, June 04, 2009

A Blog Worth Reading.

For your perusal: Booze Muse.

Wish I'd thought of that name.

Quote of the Day - June 4/09

"No matter how troubling times get, you can always drink whiskey."
~ Norm MacDonald

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Possibly the Coolest Thing Ever.

(Hopefully I haven't already used that post title.)

The 2009 Bacon and Bourbon Expo. Other than fire and meat, it's hard to imagine a more awesome combo.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Quote of the Day - October 2/08

"Yeah, I can give up drinkin'. I've done it thousands of times."
~ Andrew Watel, Rhode Island School of Design

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Quote of the Day - May 21/08

"All roads lead to booze."
~ Morna Tudor

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Prohibition Repealed!

... 74 years ago today. Let's all raise a glass in celebration, shall we?

Monday, September 17, 2007

Quote of the Day - Sep. 18/07

"Nothing imbibed, nothing gained."
~ Professor Jack Zodiac

Saturday, July 28, 2007

The Awesomeness of Bars.

Honest Joe Rice said it much more eloquently than I ever could. Read this.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Wine Rack.

For serious booze smuggling, check out this ingenious product:




That's the Winerack, from the Beer Belly. Suddenly I'm seeing the value of polygamy.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The Tender Bar.

If you love booze culture as much as I do - and really, if you didn't you wouldn't be here - you might find this of interest. My buddy Lyman made me aware of the book, and after reading the excerpt, I had to buy it today.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Pink Elephants.

For those of you who appreciate a little booze-related history, check out this article by Gene Gable - a flashback to an era when drinking was "a jolly pasttime". I managed to find a whole slew of drunk synonyms in it, which have now been added to the Drunk Compendium.

Thanks, Gene.

Friday, September 29, 2006

The Inflatable Bar.

Yup, that's what I said. A company called Bubble Miami is selling and renting inflatable bars:



There's a whole line of different sizes, colours, etc.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Bar Etiquette Around the World.

Last night my friend Fabian was kind enough to pass on a link to Modern Drunkard's Booze Rules.

A few of us got to talking about bar etiquette, and another friend of mine raised a thought-provoking and highly significant question: "I wonder if the etiquette is different over seas and in Europe than here in the states? Or is it Universal?" I was hoping to springboard this into a free trip to Europe for research purposes, but alas, cooler heads prevailed.

Friends, Romans, booze hags of all nationalities, creeds, colours and sexual orientations, lend me your ears. (Er, make that "eyes".) Kindly peruse the list in the link above and tell me if there are significant differences in your native bar culture.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Art.

Recent commissions of mine:




Thursday, May 04, 2006

Big Day.

Some of you folks might be familiar with Extra Tasty!, but for those of you who aren't, it's sort of a social networking site that's based around booze. Kind of like Flickr, but people drink more.

Aaaaanyway, a few weeks back 3 friends and I had a drunken adventure here at my place, and somewhere in the course of the evening we dug into my liquor cabinet and started experimenting with shooters. I've got recipes for 8 written down, but I haven't had a chance to confirm many of our findings. One, however, really stood out: something with the title Apple Crisp written next to it.

I took a look at the ingredients, and damned if it didn't sound like it'd make a good martini of sorts. So, I submitted it to Extra Tasty!, and today the Apple Crisp Martini got voted Drink of the Day.




Here's the link to the recipe.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

A Drinking Song.

"WINE comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That's all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and I sigh."
~ William Butler Yeats

Monday, April 03, 2006

Seattle!

Well, kids, I've finally kicked off the Sacred and Most Holy Quest for the Three Hundred. Took a trip to Seattle this past weekend, and managed to rack up six new bars. And while I was at it, I realized that despite visiting a Red Robin or two in the past, I'd somehow forgotten to include it on my list.

So, the total now stands at 242. Here's how it happened: immediately after checking into the hotel, we decided to check out the bar in the lobby, Rain:



The service was very good, and the bar was kinda like a livingroom, albeit a damn nice one. The menus had copper covers, which really made me want to steal one for my own bar. I ended up visiting Rain again at the end of Saturday night's pub crawl.

Speaking of which, Saturday after the Emerald City Comicon, we headed for Pioneer Square and the surrounding area, looking for supper and a drink. Not necessarily in that order. We popped into Tiki Bob's Cantina, but there wasn't a soul in sight. We could hear noises from somewhere in back, but we've been to the movies - going to investigate would surely have resulted in somebody getting their arm chainsawed off, or their face made into a mask. Instead of splitting up to find the killer, we wisely went to F.X. McRory's instead:



Apparently the specialty at McRory's is whiskey:



Which is not to say that they ignore any of the other kinds:



They also had a ton of LeRoy Neiman art, much of which was apparently commissioned from the man himself:



Next we headed for Howl at the Moon, where we were entertained by a little musical comedy, and where we paid a ten-dollar cover charge and given a map of all the other bars we were now entitled to visit. I took a few pictures there, but sadly I had the flash turned off, since the booze was starting to kick in. At least I got another picture of liquor bottles before we left, though:



We were tempted to stay longer than a couple rounds, but duty called, and so we ventured to Fenix Underground, where apparently the 80s are alive and well.

Or at least alive. Considering they were playing Tiffany and Berlin videos, we didn't stay long. And on the way out I snapped the obligatory front-door shot:



Next stop was J&M Café & Cardroom, another spot that I'd like to spend more time in. The place had a high, vaulted ceiling and looked like it had some history to it. They also played some Georgia Satellites, which is infinitely better than Tiffany, as fine as she did grow up to be.



By now things were getting a little blurry, but we weren't about to stop. And besides, we were still milking that cover charge for all it was worth. We checked out another place (the Last Supper Club, possibly), but it was a little too reminiscent of the Fenix Underground, even if the proprietors did have access to a dictionary. So finally we stumbled to New Orlean's (the bar, not the city), a damn fine blues establishment:



(I really should've gotten a photo of the men's room, which featured stalls with sides about 4 feet tall, and about a thousand cartoon faces staring at you while you took a whiz. Definitely not for the shy of bladder.)

After that we started migrating back to our hotel, acquiring a cab somewhere along the way. Passing through the lobby, I saw world-renowned raconteurs Jim Mahfood and Dave Crosland drinking at Rain with various other funnybook luminaries, and ventured in to join them. The night wrapped up somewhere around 3:30, and that, as they say, was that.



Thank you, Seattle!

Friday, March 31, 2006

Quote of the Day - Mar. 31/05

"Ah, I can see by the four hands on the two clocks, it's booze o'clock."
~ Pól Rua

Monday, March 27, 2006

Is Nothing Sacred?

If you're a Texan and you like drinking in bars, you could be in trouble. Big Brother is watching you.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

At the Bar.

A collection of booze-related photos, some of which you may already have seen.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

St. Paddy's.

Souvenir of the big day yesterday:

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Swag.

Apparently the blog is actually paying off; I received this amazing collection of goodies from an old friend of mine today.

Thanks, Joel. I promise it'll all be put to good use.

Extra Tasty!

Take a look at this website if you like to drink.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Quotes of the Day - Mar. 11/05

"Things are almost bad enough for a party."
~ The Billionaire Boys' Club

"To excess, forgetfulness, failure and blindness."
~ Chris-in-the-Morning, Northern Exposure

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Quest.

Sadly, my quest for 300 bars is currently on hiatus. Between the sprained ankle and the cashflow shortage, at this point I'm still just compiling names.

That being said, I'm travelling to Seattle the end of the month, and L.A. and San Diego in July, so that oughta bring the count up a little.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Quote of the Day - Mar. 06/05

"The problem with this world is that everyone in it is three drinks behind."
~ Humphrey Bogart

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Quote of the Day - Mar. 05/06

"Happiness is finding two olives in your martini when you're hungry."
~ Johnny Carson

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Quotes of the Day - Mar. 01-04/06

Shit, I'm way behind here. Real life has been getting in the way, I think.

Time to play catchup:


"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
~ Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy


"An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do."
~ Dylan Thomas


"The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober."
~ William Butler Yeats


"To temperance...in moderation."
~ Lem Motlow (Jack Daniel’s nephew and proprietor of the Jack Daniel Distillery)

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Make Your Reservations Now.

If you can wait ten years, the Bruichladdich Distillery is taking orders for a batch of 184-proof (92% alcohol) Scotch.

Details here.

Something You Should Try.

If you've been in a few bars, you probably know how secretive bartenders can be about their specialties. But sometimes, if you're very lucky - or the bartender is drunk - you can squeeze a recipe or two out of them. Case in point: the Smuggler's Jug, in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island.

(That's in Canada.)

Anyhow, a Jug Special, assuming they still make 'em these days, is a big, fishbowl-sized beverage that's just delicious, even if it does veer dangerously into chick-drink territory. And my old drinkin' buddy Lloyd must've sweet-talked somebody there into coughing up the recipe, because he was kind enough to pass it on to me. So without further ado:

1 ounce white rum
1/2 ounce vermouth
1/2 ounce apricot brandy
lemonade
orange juice
grenadine

It won't put hair on your chest, but it sure does taste good.

Quote of the Day - Feb. 28/06

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
~ David Moulton

Monday, February 27, 2006

Quotes of the Day - Feb. 26-27/06

Since I was negligent in providing a quote yesterday, you get two today:
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
~ Dave Barry

"People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot."
~ Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Quote of the Day - Feb. 25/06

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
~ W.C. Fields

Friday, February 24, 2006

Quote of the Day - Feb. 24/06

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Quote of the Day - Feb. 23/06

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
~ Dean Martin

A Bar by Any Other Name.

Barrel house.
Blind pig.
Blind tiger.
Blood bank.
Booze shed.
Gin joint.
Gin palace.
Piss palace.
Puke factory.
Roadhouse.
Speakeasy.
Strong water shop.
Watering hole.

Dirty Drinks.

Adios Motherfucker.
Angel's Tit.
Aphrodite's Love Potion.
Ball Banger.
Ball or Head.
Bend Me Over.
Better Than Sex.
Between the Sheets.
Big Red Hooter.
Birth Control.
Bloomer Remover.
Blowjob.
Buttfuck.
Garter Belt.
Horny Monkey.
Illicit Affair.
Itchy Bag.
Jack Off.
Jizzum.
Maybe Later.
Orgasm.
Penetrator.
Screaming Blue Fuck.
Screaming Orgasm.
Sex on the Beach.
Sixty-Niner.
Slippery Nipple.
Slow Comfortable Screw Up Against the Wall, Mexican Style.
Spicy Affair.
Strip & Go Naked.
Suck & Blow.
Two Dogs Fucking.
Vanessa Williams (hot chocolate + cherry liqueur)
Virgin.
Virgin Killer.
Wet Dream Cocktail.
Warm Blonde.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

The Whisky PC.

For all you computer nerds who like to drink, check this out. I really oughta be posting this blog from one of those.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

300 Bars.

My lifetime count for bars is 235 at present. A joke compared to Barman's 1000 bars, but what can ya do? Well, I've decided to shoot for 300 by the end of 2006. It seems pretty feasible to me.

Already e-mailed a bunch of friends lookin' for suggestions, and so far I've got a list of 11 new prospects.

Wish me luck.

Monday, February 06, 2006

My Dad's Bar.

This has been an ongoing project for a long time now. Years ago, my dad was in some store that was going out of business, and ended up buying the front counter and making a bar out of it. It's a full wet bar with fridge. I usually bartend their Christmas parties from behind it.

(Needless to say, it was the inspiration for my bar.)

Anyhow, he just built the rack you see hanging over the bar, so I figured I'd show it off. Only thing the place needs now is a stripper pole.

Te-kill-ya.

My cousin e-mailed this to me. No idea what the original source is, but it's funny as hell, and pretty close to the truth:


Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Are you depressed? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.

Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila.

Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Appleton Estates.

This isn't a paid endorsement, but I love this stuff. Once you've tried it, other rums just don't measure up. It's the sweet, sweet nectar of the gods.

Thankfully, the word is spreading. It used to be damn near impossible to find in bars, but these days I'm seeing it all over the place.

Hosannah.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Bar Tip #3

Don't be a cheapskate. Drinking at a bar is a sort of financial relationship; a fiscal give-and-take. And if you don't give, you won't get to take.

And while we're on the topic, if you're one of those proud non-tippers, then ask for your own damn bill, instead of shafting everybody else.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

The Wheel of Doom - Version 3.0

Just finished it a couple hours ago. We'll be breaking it in tonight, for my friend Todd's birthday.

Sadly, there won't be any ducks present.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Shotglasses.

I'm starting to build a decent collection here. Enough that when I throw a party, they don't all get used, anyhow. Pretty soon I'll have to build myself a second shotglass rack. (No damn idea where I'll put it, though.)

Here's how things look at the moment.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

The Wheel of Doom - Version 2.0

Got pics of my brother's Wheel yesterday. Here it is, in all its glory:



Now I'm planning to build one for a friend's birthday next weekend.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Old Bartender Tricks.

Here's one: if you see a potential big tipper who's having mixed drinks, start mixing the drink less and pouring the booze in on top. He'll think you're a generous bartender and a swell guy, and act accordingly.

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Amateur Drinking Night.

So another year's almost over, and tonight all the amateur drinkers will be out for their annual piss-up. Keep in mind that they're rookies and they don't know any better. (But watch out for guys who think they're still as cool as they were in highschool.)

Happy New Year, folks.
Bret

Monday, December 12, 2005

The Dictionary.

Accute gravity attack: falling down while drunk.

Alcoholic aphasia:
loss of speech control due to intoxication.

Allupin Cider: hint: try saying it out loud.

Angels' share: the whiskey that evaporates during the aging process.

Bar hop: travel to several bars (and get drunk, most likely).

Barley sandwich: beer for lunch.

Beeriness: drunkenness.

Behind the stick: serving drinks; working the taps.

Boozemosis: absorbing alcohol through the skin.

Bower: beer in the shower.

Brewski:
a beer.

Brunk: drunk at brunch.

Buzz-on: mild intoxication.

Calling dinosaurs: throwing up.

Camper: a patron who camps out at the bar for the evening.

Canners: canned beer.

Cellar Smeller: somebody who only comes over when there's free booze.

Cooler: a chick drink.

Corn palsy: a hangover from drinking corn liquor.

Crooking the elbow: drinking.

Drinking tourists: amateur drinkers.

Elevenses: pre-noon whiskey break.

Friender: a bender friend.

Get drafted: drink too much draft beer.

Glow on: a mild buzz.

Green around the gills: hung over.

Growler: a half-gallon glass jug of draft beer.

Halfrack: a twelve-pack of beer.

Heavy wet: malt liquor.

Hydraulic sandwich: liquid lunch.

Instant margarita: a shot of tequila and a shot of lime juice, usually upside down.

Jag on: a serious buzz.

Leo Sayer: all-dayer (Cockney rhyming slang for an all-day bender).

Maintenance drink: one just to maintain the buzz.

Martians: martinis.

Mexican itch: the usual tequila/salt/lemon ritual (also known as "training wheels").

Mudslinger: any shooter that doesn't later properly.

Nerk: see "tequila shiver".

One Hundred Club: a shot of beer every minute for a hundred minutes.

On scholarship: when a bartender spends his time hitting on the clientele, so the other bartenders have to do all the work.

Piss-up: a big night out.

Placebo bottle: liquor bottle filled with water.

Poverty pack: six-pack.

Pre-gaming: having some drinks before you go out drinking.

Pre-hab: when you haven't quit drinking yet.

Prime up: have a few drinks in preparation for having a few more drinks.

Reebs: beers.

Rendezbooze: When a group of people get together to drink.

Retox: off the wagon.

Road rocket: a beer or a mixed drink in a pop can; one for the road.

Schizzed out: burned out, trashed, done for the night.

Scorpion honey: tequila

Shaker: bartender.

Single-drinkathon: slow night.

Sink a few depth charges: have a few drinks.

Six-pack flu: hangover.

Slug: a shot.

Spacer: a non-alcoholic drink between rounds.

Tarbender: bartender.

Talent: good-looking customers.

Te-Kill-Ya: tequila.

Tequila shiver: the twist in your spine after a tequila shot.

Tie one on: get drunk.

Tilt a few back: have a few drinks.

Training beer: lite beer.

Violent Seven: rye and 7Up.

Vodka pocket: that splash of pure vodka you sometimes find in the middle of a strong screwdriver.

Whiskey math: difficulty adding up your tab.

Whiskey sabbatical: the time it takes to get more ice.

White lightning: moonshine.

Wobbly pops: drinks.

Wonder Wine: a godawful home winemaking kit.

Yukkaflux: the Saskatchewan tradition of soaking fruit in all your leftover hard liquor.

The Wheel of Doom - Version 1.0

My brother made this fiendish device for me a couple years ago. Every party I have, the Wheel comes out at midnight. Some... interesting shooters have been invented, let me tell ya. The initial plan was to put a recipe card under each of those copper tabs, but we decided right away that instant gratification was the only answer.

Last year my dad built version 2.0 for my brother. I'll have to see if I can score a picture of it in action.

(Don't ask about the duck.)

Monday, December 05, 2005

The Drunk Compendium.

Abbreviated
All in the rhubarb
All over the pond
Annihilated
Bagged
Bamboozled
Banana-faced
Basted
Beaned
Bent like an S
Bladdered
Blasted
Blind drunk
Blitzed
Blootered
Blotto
Bobo
Boiled as an owl
Bombed
Bonged
Bruced
Buried
Buttered
Buzzed
Canned
Cherry-merry
Clobbered
Cock-eyed
Cooked
Corked
Corned
Crocked
Damaged
Drunk as a boot
Drunk as an old shoe
Drunk as a pair of fleas in a gin bottle
Drunk as a skunk
Drunk as two bears
Drunk as three bears
Drunk as four hundred rabbits
Drunked up
Drunker than a monkey
Drunky Brewster
Durnk
Faced
Falling down drunk
Flapjampered
Floppin'
Fried
Fubared
Fucked up like a dog's breakfast
Full of the Dutch courage
Gibbled
Glazed
Gone borneo
Gooned (to the gunnels)
Gorged out of your mind
Gorked
Greased
Half corked
Half cut
Hammered
Having a snootful
Hooped
Hooted
Hootered
Inebriated
In retox
In the bag
In the grip of the grape
Intoxicated
In your cups
Jacked up
Juiced up
Kentucky fried
Knee-walking drunk
Legless
Liquored
Lit
Lit as a stick of kindling
Lit up like the commonwealth
Locked
Loaded (like a freight train)
Loaded to the muzzle
Looped
Lost in the sauce
Lubricated
Mellow
Messed up
Moon-eyed
Mot asber
Mullered
Mungocious
Munted
Nimptopsical
Obliterated
Off the spool
Off the wagon
Oiled
One-eyed and staggering
On the bevy
On the night train
On the sauce
Ossified
Out of it
Out of your gourd
Overserved
Over the bay
Painted
Pasted
Pickled
Pie-eyed
Pigeon-eyed
Pissed as a lizard
Pissed as a newt
Pissed limber
Pissed (to the gills)
Piss-eyed
Pixellated
Plastered
Plowed
Polluted
Primed
Pruned
Prune-faced
Ripe as a brewer's fart
Ripped (to the tits)
Rum drunk
Schmammered
Schnockered
Screwed (to the wall)
Shellacked
Shitfaced
Shitfaced paralytico
Shit-housed
Shmammered
Skunked
Slayed
Slaughtered
Sloopy
Slopped
Sloppy
Sloshed
Smashed
Soaked
Soused
Squashed
Squiffy
Squished
Spiflicated
Stewed (to the gills)
Stinko
Swacked
Swizzled
Tanked
Thoed
Three parts gone
Three sheets to the wind
Tiddled
Tiddly
Tight
Tipsy
Tispy
Toasted
Top heavy
Torn
Totalled
Trashed
Trollied
Tubed
Tuned
Tuned up
Tweaked
Twisted
Wallabied
Washed
Wasted
Wastey-eyed
Wasticated
Wazooed
Whalin'
Wired for sound
Wrecked
Zonked
Zonkered
Zooed
Zoomin'

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Pissed...

... as a lizard.

... to the gills.

... limber.

... as a newt.



Variation: piss-eyed.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Bars, Bars and More Bars. And Restaurants.

Inspired by Barman, here's a list of all the bars I've been to:

1. The Cascade - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
2. The Tradewind - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
3. The Avenues - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
4. Gentleman Jim’s - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
5. The Hideaway - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
6. The Smuggler’s Jug - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
7. Mister K’s - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
8. The Dispensary - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
9. Jody’s Roadhouse - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
10. The Brass Rail - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
11. The Showboat - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
12. The Panther Lounge - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
13. Casey’s Lounge - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
14. The Hidden Harbour - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
15. The Palace - Halifax, Nova Scotia
16. Woody’s - Halifax, Nova Scotia
17. Scoundrel’s - Halifax, Nova Scotia
18. Doc’s Corner - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
19. Secretary’s - Halifax, Nova Scotia
20. Peddler’s Pub - Halifax, Nova Scotia
21. The Cosmo - Moncton, New Brunswick
22. Ziggy’s - Moncton, New Brunswick
23. Your Place - Moncton, New Brunswick
24. The Junction Club - Moncton, New Brunswick
25. Spanky’s - Moncton, New Brunswick
26. Captain Dick’s - Cavendish, Prince Edward Island
27. Thirsty’s - Cavendish, Prince Edward Island
28. Gilligan’s Landing - Cavendish, Prince Edward Island
29. Myron’s - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
30. The Sternwheeler - Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
31. Mexicali Rosa’s - Halifax, Nova Scotia
32. Peake’s Quay - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
33. The Charlottetown Playhouse - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
34. The Graduate - Halifax, Nova Scotia
35. Club on the Green - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
36. Fat Tuesday’s - Moncton, New Brunswick
37. The Anchor & Oarhouse - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
38. O’Leary’s - Saint John, New Brunswick
39. Nipper’s - Saint John, New Brunswick
40. Legends - Saint John, New Brunswick
41. The Liquor Dome - Halifax, Nova Scotia
42. J.J. Rossi’s - Halifax, Nova Scotia
43. O’Toole’s - Halifax, Nova Scotia
44. Gargoyle’s - Saint John, New Brunswick
45. Pillar’s - Saint John, New Brunswick
46. Rocky’s Sports Bar - Saint John, New Brunswick
47. Pete’s Pub - Saint John, New Brunswick
48. The Seahorse - Halifax, Nova Scotia
49. The Apothecary - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
50. Lawrence of Oregano’s - Halifax, Nova Scotia
51. My Apartment - Halifax, Nova Scotia
52. Don Cherry’s Grapevine - Moncton, New Brunswick
53. Father’s - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
54. The Pump - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
55. Dooley’s - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
56. The Maplewood Room - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
57. Turkey Joe’s - St. John’s, Newfoundland
58. Boomerang’s - Saint John, New Brunswick
59. The Student Asylum - Saint John, New Brunswick
60. The Aquarius Beverage Room - Saint John, New Brunswick
61. Brian’s - Saint John, New Brunswick
62. Chez Cherie - Saint John, New Brunswick
63. Merrill’s - Halifax, Nova Scotia
64. Breaker’s - Halifax, Nova Scotia
65. The Captain’s Cue - Halifax, Nova Scotia
66. Luvafair - Vancouver, British Columbia
67. The Cecil - Vancouver, British Columbia
68. Fogg N’ Suds - Vancouver, British Columbia
69. The Blarney Stone - Vancouver, British Columbia
70. The Town Pump - Vancouver, British Columbia
71. The Marble Arch - Vancouver, British Columbia
72. Kits Pub - Vancouver, British Columbia
73. The Rage - Vancouver, British Columbia
74. The Lamplighter - Vancouver, British Columbia
75. The Gate - Vancouver, British Columbia
76. The Brickyard/Samoo’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
77. My Father’s Mustache - Halifax, Nova Scotia
78. The Yale - Vancouver, British Columbia
79. Graceland - Vancouver, British Columbia
80. The Purple Onion - Vancouver, British Columbia
81. The Wild Coyote - Vancouver, British Columbia
82. Studebaker’s - Burnaby, British Columbia
83. The Kingshead Pub - Vancouver, British Columbia
84. Mars - Vancouver, British Columbia
85. The S.F.U. Pub - Vancouver, British Columbia
86. The Reef - Point Roberts, Washington
87. Breakers - Point Roberts, Washington
88. Carlos & Bud’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
89. The Railway Club - Vancouver, British Columbia
90. Pat & Willie’s - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
91. Bar None - Vancouver, British Columbia
92. The Brickyard - Victoria, British Columbia
93. The Sticky Wicket - Victoria, British Columbia
94. The Pic Pub - Vancouver, British Columbia
95. Yuk Yuk’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
96. The Palladium - Vancouver, British Columbia
97. Maverick’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
98. Evolution - Victoria, British Columbia
99. The Limit - Victoria, British Columbia
100. The Shark Club - Vancouver, British Columbia
101. The Rose & Thorn - Vancouver, British Columbia
102. The ANZA Club - Vancouver, British Columbia
103. DeNiro’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
104. The Grand Garage - Vancouver, British Columbia
105. The Yaletown Brewing Company - Vancouver, British Columbia
106. The North Burnaby Inn Showroom - Vancouver, British Columbia
107. The Side Door - Vancouver, British Columbia
108. Club 212 - Vancouver, British Columbia
109. Hooters - Vancouver, British Columbia
110. T.J.’s Lounge - Point Roberts, Washington
111. The Fairview Pub - Vancouver, British Columbia
112. The Atlantic Trap & Gill - Vancouver, British Columbia
113. Richard’s on Richard’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
114. The Arts Club Theatre - Vancouver, British Columbia
115. Babalu’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
116. The Commodore Ballroom - Vancouver, British Columbia
117. Subeez - Vancouver, British Columbia
118. The Morrissey - Vancouver, British Columbia
119. The Mango - Vancouver, British Columbia
120. The Lennox Pub - Vancouver, British Columbia
121. The Fox & Firkin - Vancouver, British Columbia
122. Bridges on the Waterfront - Vancouver, British Columbia
123. Fred’s Uptown Tavern - Vancouver, British Columbia
124. The Roxy - Vancouver, British Columbia
125. The Dover Arms - Vancouver, British Columbia
126. The Sierra Grille - Vancouver, British Columbia
127. Riley’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
128. The Cambie - Vancouver, British Columbia
129. The Element - Vancouver, British Columbia
130. The Irish Heather - Vancouver, British Columbia
131. Bimini’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
132. Sonar - Vancouver, British Columbia
133. ? - Vancouver, British Columbia
134. The King Henry VIII Pub - Calgary, Alberta
135. The Embassy - Calgary, Alberta
136. The Cactus Club - Vancouver, British Columbia
137. Six Rivers Brewery - Eureka, California
138. John Barleycorn - San Francisco, California
139. The International Cocktail Lounge - San Francisco, California
140. Zeki’s Bar - San Francisco, California
141. Fadó - Seattle, Washington
142. The Bohemian - Seattle, Washington
143. The Granville Room - Vancouver, British Columbia
144. ? - Vancouver, British Columbia
145. The Bluenose - Toronto, Ontario
146. The Argyle - Halifax, Nova Scotia
147. Ginger 62 - Vancouver, British Columbia
148. No.5 Orange - Vancouver, British Columbia
149. Section 3 - Vancouver, British Columbia
150. Glowbal - Vancouver, British Columbia
151. The Avalon - North Vancouver, British Columbia
152. The Jolly Alderman - Vancouver, British Columbia
153. Soho - Vancouver, British Columbia
154. The Loose Moose - Vancouver, British Columbia
155. The Jolly Taxpayer - Vancouver, British Columbia
156. Malarkey - Vancouver, British Columbia
157. Durty Nell’s Cellar - Vancouver, British Columbia
158. The Sylvia - Vancouver, British Columbia
159. The Halifax Alehouse - Halifax, Nova Scotia
160. The Economy Shoe Shop - Halifax, Nova Scotia
161. The Jupiter Cafe - Vancouver, British Columbia
162. The Harp & Thistle - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
163. Cowboy’s - Calgary, Alberta
164. The Wolf & Hound - Vancouver, British Columbia
165. Brandi’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
166. The Racquet Club - Vancouver, British Columbia
167. Tonic - Vancouver, British Columbia
168. The Doghouse - Vancouver, British Columbia
169. The Royal - Vancouver, British Columbia
170. Courtnall’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
171. Jake’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
172. The Penthouse - Vancouver, British Columbia
173. The Bayside Lounge - Vancouver, British Columbia
174. Pepita’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
175. Doolin’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
176. Pogue Fadó - Halifax, Nova Scotia
177. The Gahan House - Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island
178. The Fox & Fiddle - Vancouver, British Columbia
179. Panama Jack’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
180. Two Parrots - Vancouver, British Columbia
181. Fluid - Vancouver, British Columbia
182. Camacho’s Cantina - Los Angeles, California
183. Cafe Tu Tu Tango - Los Angeles, California
184. Shooters - Mission Viejo, California
185. Market St. Brewery - San Diego, California
186. The Rainbow Bar & Grill - Los Angeles, California
187. The Fox & Hounds - Los Angeles, California
188. The Fountainhead Pub - Vancouver, British Columbia
189. The Central City Brewing Company - Surrey, British Columbia
190. Mesa Luna - Vancouver, British Columbia
191. The Waterfront Pub - Vancouver, British Columbia
192. The Buffalo Club - Vancouver, British Columbia
193. The Thirsty Duck - Halifax, Nova Scotia
194. Niche - Halifax, Nova Scotia
195. The Bitter End - Halifax, Nova Scotia
196. Buffalo Bill’s - Whistler, British Columbia
197. The Longhorn - Whistler, British Columbia
198. El Furniture Warehouse - Vancouver, British Columbia
199. The Red Room - Vancouver, British Columbia
200. Pub 340 - Vancouver, British Columbia
201. Soho - Vancouver, British Columbia
202. Malone’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
203. The Pit Pub - Vancouver, British Columbia
204. The Urban Well - Vancouver, British Columbia
205. Balthazar - Vancouver, British Columbia
206. The Caprice - Vancouver, British Columbia
207. Shenanigan’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
208. Steamworks - Vancouver, British Columbia
209. Taf’s Cafe & Gallery - Vancouver, British Columbia
210. Vancouver Rowing Club - Vancouver, British Columbia
211. Earl’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
212. DV8 - Vancouver, British Columbia
213. Shine - Vancouver, British Columbia
214. Akwa - Los Angeles, California
215. Maloney’s - San Diego, California
216. Henry’s Pub - San Diego, California
217. Rockin’ Baja Lobster - San Diego, California
218. Moose McGillicuddy’s - San Diego, California
219. The Field - San Diego, California
220. Honeybee Hive - San Diego, California
221. Good Luck - Los Angeles, California
222. The Dresden - Los Angeles, California
223. The Cat & Fiddle - Los Angeles, California
224. Rime - Vancouver, British Columbia
225. Elwood’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
226. River’s Reach - New Westminster, British Columbia
227. The Arch - Vancouver, British Columbia
228. Waazubee’s - Vancouver, British Columbia
229. Vibe - Vancouver, British Columbia
230. The Fish House - Vancouver, British Columbia
231. Crush - Vancouver, British Columbia
232. The Old Triangle - Halifax, Nova Scotia
233. The Macaroni Grill - Vancouver, British Columbia
234. Skybar - Vancouver, British Columbia
235. Club Tokyo - Vancouver, British Columbia
236. Rain - Seattle, Washington
237. Red Robin - Tacoma, Washington
238. F.X. McRory's - Seattle, Washington
239. Howl at the Moon - Seattle, Washington
240. Fenix Underground - Seattle, Washington
241. J and M Café and Cardroom - Seattle, Washington
242. New Orleans - Seattle, Washington
243. Johnny Fox's - Vancouver, British Columbia
244. Republic - Vancouver, British Columbia
245. Maxx Fish - Whistler, British Columbia
246. Amsterdam Cafe - Whistler, British Columbia
247. Sidebar @ M - Vancouver, British Columbia
248. Roxy Burger - Vancouver, British Columbia
249. The Azure Club - Vancouver, British Columbia
250. The Plaza - Vancouver, British Columbia
251. St. James Gate - Moncton, New Brunswick
252. O2 - Moncton, New Brunswick
253. Paramount - Moncton, New Brunswick
254. Brown's Restaurant and Bar - Vancouver, British Columbia
255. Ceili's - Vancouver, British Columbia
256. Whine-O's - Vancouver, British Columbia
257. Nelson Café - Vancouver, British Columbia
258. Palomino's - Vancouver, British Columbia
259. Yorkville Bar & Grille - Toronto, Ontario
260. Jack Astor's - Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
261. Shebeen - Vancouver, British Columbia
262. The Bengal Lounge - Victoria, British Columbia
263. Howard Johnson's hotel bar - Vancouver, British Columbia (don't ask.)
264. The Cottage Bistro - Vancouver, British Columbia
265. Café Crepe - Vancouver, British Columbia
266. Vallarta Grill - Vancouver, British Columbia
267. The Pound - Vancouver, British Columbia
268. Red Square - Vancouver, British Columbia
269. The Coppertank Grille - Vancouver, British Columbia
270. The Charlatan - Vancouver, British Columbia
271. The Bourbon - Vancouver, British Columbia
272. Comox Street Long Bar & Grill - Vancouver, British Columbia
273. Brockhouse Restaurant - Vancouver, British Columbia
274. Delilah's - Vancouver, British Columbia
275. Cafe Deux Soleils - Vancouver, British Columbia
276. Libra Room - Vancouver, British Columbia
277. Burrard Bridge Marine Bar & Grill - Vancouver, British Columbia
278. Caffé Barney - Vancouver, British Columbia
279. The Winking Judge - Vancouver, British Columbia
280. Crime Lab - Vancouver, British Columbia
281. The Tipper - Vancouver, British Columbia
282. Yagger's - Vancouver, British Columbia
283. The Corner - Vancouver, British Columbia
284. Hugo's - Vancouver, British Columbia
285. The Alibi Room - Vancouver, British Columbia
286. Olympia Bar & Grill - Vancouver, British Columbia
287. Moe's Deli & Bar - Montreal, PQ
288. Speakeasy - Vancouver, British Columbia
289. PHATter - Vancouver, British Columbia
290. Cinema - Vancouver, British Columbia
291. Hamburger Mary's - Vancouver, British Columbia
292. The Edge - Vancouver, British Columbia
293. BBQues - Vancouver, British Columbia
294. Rogue Wetbar - Vancouver, British Columbia
295. The Calling - Vancouver, British Columbia
296. Peckinpah - Vancouver, British Columbia
297. The Beaver & Mullet - Vancouver, British Columbia
298. Smiley's Public House - Vancouver, British Columbia
299. The Mill Marine Bistro - Vancouver, British Columbia
300. Hell's Kitchen - Vancouver, British Columbia
301. Don Guacamole - Vancouver, British Columbia
302. Score - Vancouver, British Columbia
303. The Den at Barclay - Vancouver, British Columbia
304. The Keefer - Vancouver, British Columbia
305. Cosca - Vancouver, British Columbia
306. Novo Pizzeria - Vancouver, British Columbia
307. Hog Shack - Vancouver, British Columbia
308. The Black Frog - Vancouver, British Columbia
309. Boneta - Vancouver, British Columbia
310. Prestons - Vancouver, British Columbia
311. Back 40 - Vancouver, British Columbia
312. Johnny's Tap House - Vancouver, British Columbia
313. Uva - Vancouver, British Columbia
314. Au Petit Chavignol - Vancouver, British Columbia
315. Original Joe's - Vancouver, British Columbia
316. Metropole - Vancouver, British Columbia
317. The Charles Bar - Vancouver, British Columbia
318. La Belle Patate - Vancouver, British Columbia
319. El Taco - Vancouver, British Columbia
320. Nuba - Vancouver, British Columbia
321. Coco Rico - Vancouver, British Columbia
322. The Rickshaw - Vancouver, British Columbia
323. The Pint - Vancouver, British Columbia
324. The Tap & Barrel - Vancouver, British Columbia
325. Academic Public House - Vancouver, British Columbia
326. The Hastings Warehouse - Vancouver, British Columbia
327. The Park at English Bay - Vancouver, British Columbia
328. Vinyl Retro Club - Vancouver, British Columbia
329. Wings - Vancouver, British Columbia
330. Hidden - Vancouver, British Columbia
331. Moose's Down Under - Vancouver, British Columbia
332. Purple Olive Grill - Vancouver, British Columbia
333. Avanti's Pub - Vancouver, British Columbia
334. St. Augustine's - Vancouver, British Columbia
335. Toby's - Vancouver, British Columbia
336. The Legion - Vancouver, British Columbia
337. Falconetti's - Vancouver, British Columbia
338. EXP - Vancouver, British Columbia
339. The Butcher & Bullock - Vancouver, British Columbia
340. Biltmore Cabaret - Vancouver, British Columbia
341. Elixir - Vancouver, British Columbia
342. Lobby Lounge (Fairmont Hotel) - Vancouver, British Columbia
343. American Cheesesteak Co. - Vancouver, British Columbia
344. The Blackbird Public House - Vancouver, British Columbia
345. The Donnelly Group VIP Hospitality Suite - Vancouver, British Columbia
346. The Vancouver Club - Vancouver, British Columbia
347. Mahony & Sons - Vancouver, British Columbia
348. Burgundy - Vancouver, British Columbia
349. The New Oxford - Vancouver, British Columbia
350. Red Card - Vancouver, British Columbia
351. La Mescaleria - Vancouver, British Columbia
352. Joe's Apartment - Vancouver, British Columbia
353. The Capitol - Vancouver, British Columbia
354. Shamrock Alley - Vancouver, British Columbia
355. The Portside Pub - Vancouver, British Columbia
356. FiveSixty - Vancouver, British Columbia
357. Incendio - Vancouver, British Columbia
358. Deacon's Corner - Vancouver, British Columbia
359. The Waldorf - Vancouver, British Columbia
360. Buckstop - Vancouver, British Columbia
361. Three Brits - Vancouver, British Columbia
362. Pho Central - Vancouver, British Columbia
363. Studio Records - Vancouver, British Columbia
364. Distillery - Vancouver, British Columbia
365. The Flying Pig - Vancouver, British Columbia
366. Salt - Vancouver, British Columbia
367. The Vancouver Fish Company - Vancouver, British Columbia
368. Chill Winston - Vancouver, British Columbia
369. The Devil's Elbow - Vancouver, British Columbia
370. Jang Mo Jib - Vancouver, British Columbia
371. Factory - Vancouver, British Columbia
372. Pat's Pub - Vancouver, British Columbia
373. 




The ones with the question marks are, sad to say, lost to history.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Bar Tip #2.

When you're bellied up to the bar and there's people waiting behind you, get your damn drink and get out of the way.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

A Tip of the Hat.

A few of my favourite bartenders, waiters, waitresses, bouncers, doormen and DJs over the years:

John Henaberry, Tick Watts, Barbie McGregor, Deana Bugden, Sue Bell, Sandra Skeffington, Denise Bonnyman, Steve Chaisson, John Flood, Rob Mackenzie, Scott Ferris and Rachel Whittaker, all from the Avenues/Myron's in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island.

Chris Sawyer at Doc's Corner, also in Charlottetown.

Top-Forty Gordie at the Tradewinds, Charlottetown.

Veronica at Rocky's in Saint John, New Brunswick.

Diane Churchill at Apothecary's (AKA the Dip), in Charlottetown.

Spiros at Luvafair in Vancouver.

Lisa & Lisa at the Playhouse, Charlottetown.

Fritz at the Blarney Stone, Vancouver.

Linda at the Marble Arch, Vancouver.

Travis at Henry's Pub in San Diego.



And a lot more whose names escape me at the moment.

(I've also been remiss in not crediting Professor Ron Baker from the University of Prince Edward Island, for inspiring all of this in the first place, way back in 1987.)

Drunk as...

... a skunk.

... a monkey.

... three bears.

... a pair of fleas in a gin bottle.

... a boot.

... an old shoe.


Which ones am I missing here?

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Bar Tip #1.

I've decided, as a public service, to start a series of pointers on bar etiquette, since every time I go out lately, there's some rookie who has no idea how to behave in a bar. Without further ado:

#1: The doorman is your friend. If there's a lineup, he's the guy who can get you in. And pissing him off won't accelerate that process. So don't be an asshole - stay calm, make some small talk, and don't ask him every ten seconds if you can go in now. Act like an adult, in other words.

And if some drunk college girl starts hassling the guy, roll your eyes or shake your head as if to say, "what a dumb bitch." Even if she's with you.

Hell, especially if she's with you. Otherwise you'll be waitin' outside all night while she argues with the doorman.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

An Important Life Lesson.

You've probably heard it before, and you might even think it's an old wives' tale. But ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I'm here to tell you - never, ever mix the grain and the grape.

Trust me on this.

Vomitorium.

I'm not much of a puker, but sad to say, it wasn't exactly an... uncommon occurrence in my college days. Not too surprising, then, that there's such a wealth of vomit-related terms in booze culture:

Barf.
Blow chunks.
Blow cookies.
Blow groceries.
Calling dinosaurs.
Call for Ralph.
Charf.
Chunder.
Divulge dinner.
Drive the porcelain bus.
Eat backwards.
Flash the hash.
Have a Harley Earl.
Heave.
Laugh at the floor.
Lose your lunch.
Order yogurt.
Puke.
Ralph.
Recycle your groceries.
Return your doughnuts.
Reverse chug.
Reverse gears.
Scream at the ants.
Sell a Buick.
Shout at the floor.
Sing soup.
Spew chunky.
Spill your groceries.
Talk to Ralph/Earl/Beulah on the big white phone.
Technicolor scream.
Technicolor yawn.
Throw doughnuts.
Toss your cookies.
Toss your tacos.
Upchuck.
Woof your cookies.
Yak.
Zuke.



Your cheery thought for the day.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

10 Guaranteed Hangover Cures:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

A Little Culture.

Friends of Mine.

I think these are pretty much self-explanatory:

Alkie
Bar squid
Bar trash
Booze hag
Booze hound
Dipso
Elbow bender
Fish
Flagon dragon
Fucked-up bunny
Juice pig
Liquor pig
Liquor stain
Lounge lizard
Lush
Party animal
Party monster
Pay-day drunk
Piss tank
Pounder
Rummy
Soak
Soaker
Sot
Sponge
Swill belly
Swill pig
Toper
Wastoid
Weekend warrior
Wino



Did I miss anyone?

Multiculturalism.

How to raise a toast in 16 different languages:

Cheers (English)
Prosit (German)
Salut (Italian)
Cin Cin (Italian)
Skal (Swedish)
Oogy Wawa (Swahili)
Kan Bei (Japanese)
Na Zdorovia (Polish)
Naz Dar (Hungarian)
Mabuhay (Turkish)
Salud (Mexican)
Genatzt (Armenian)
Sláinte (Irish)
Sanda bashi (Pakistani)
A sua saude (Portugese)
Serefe (Turkish)


Because, hey, you just never know.

Almost Forgot...

... to post this photo of my pride and joy. Took me a year and $2500* to build it, but it was all worth it in the end.

Everybody should have one, don't ya think?

*Copper is really expensive.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

In the Beginning...

So this is the inaugural post. 'Spose I should start with something introductory, then:

Many years ago, after the earth's crust cooled and dinosaurs still walked the earth, I started a Dictionary of Booze as a term paper for a linguistics course. It's grown into a 3-inch binder over the years, which has been affectionately dubbed the Big Book of Booze. There's been a bit of talk since then about trying to publish it in some format, but it's mostly been drunk talk, so you can imagine how productive that's been.

Anyhow, it finally occurred to me tonight that a blog would be a good way to at least get this shit organized, finally. So here we are: the Big Blog of Booze.

And since booze and music go so well together, here's a few of my favourite drinkin' songs to kick this off:

"The Dirty Glass" (Dropkick Murphys)
“Beer Drinkers & Hell Raisers” (ZZ Top)
“Broken Whiskey Glass” (Jason & the Scorchers)
“Drank Like a River” (Whiskeytown)
“Gin Guzzlin’ Frenzy” (Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper)
“Have a Drink on Me” (AC/DC)
“I Got Loaded” (Los Lobos)
“If Only You Were Lonely” (The Replacements)
“Lager & Ale” (Kim Mitchell)
“Lost Weekend” (Beat Farmers)
“Margaritaville” (Jimmy Buffett)
“Night Train” (Guns N’Roses)
“One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer” (John Lee Hooker)
“Red Red Wine” (Replacements)
“Roadhouse Blues” (The Doors)
“Shape I’m In” (ARC Angels)
“Tequila” (The Champs)
“Tequila Sunrise” (The Eagles)
“This Drinkin’ Will Kill Me” (Dwight Yoakam)
“Too Drunk to Dream” (Whiskeytown)
“Whisky Heaven” (Fats Domino)
“Why Don’t We Get Drunk & Screw?” (Jimmy Buffett)
“You Must Not Be Drinkin’ Enough” (Don Henley)
“Closing Time” (Semisonic)
“Home for a Rest” (Spirit of the West)
“Sally MacLennane” (the Pogues)
"Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" (Dropkick Murphys)
"Drink Up and Be Sombody" (Merle Haggard)
"Picasso's Last Words" (Paul McCartney & Wings)
"Cold Gin" (KISS)
"Ain’t Got no Money to Pay for this Drink” (George Zimmerman and the Thrills)
“Wine, Wine, Wine” (Electric Flag)
“Don’t Come Home A Drinkin’” (Loretta Lynn)
“Daddy and the Wine” (Porter Waggoner)
“I Drink” (Mary Gauthier)
“Sloppy Drunk” (Jimmy Rogers)
“I Ain’t Drunk” (Lonnnie The Cat)
“It Ain’t Far to the Bar” (Johny Tyler and His Riders of the Rio Grande)
“Rum and Coca Cola” (Andrew Sisters)
“Who Will Buy the Wine” (Charlie Walker)
“Buddy Stay Off the Wine” (Betty Hall Jones)
“Whiskey You’re the Devil” (Clancy Bros and Tommy Makem)
“I Drink” (Charles Aznavour)
“What’s on the Bar” (Hank Williams Jr.)
“One Mint Julep” (The Clovers)




Bottoms up.