The Inflatable Bar.

Yup, that's what I said. A company called Bubble Miami is selling and renting inflatable bars:



There's a whole line of different sizes, colours, etc.

Bar Etiquette Around the World.

Last night my friend Fabian was kind enough to pass on a link to Modern Drunkard's Booze Rules.

A few of us got to talking about bar etiquette, and another friend of mine raised a thought-provoking and highly significant question: "I wonder if the etiquette is different over seas and in Europe than here in the states? Or is it Universal?" I was hoping to springboard this into a free trip to Europe for research purposes, but alas, cooler heads prevailed.

Friends, Romans, booze hags of all nationalities, creeds, colours and sexual orientations, lend me your ears. (Er, make that "eyes".) Kindly peruse the list in the link above and tell me if there are significant differences in your native bar culture.

Art.

Recent commissions of mine:

Big Day.

Some of you folks might be familiar with Extra Tasty!, but for those of you who aren't, it's sort of a social networking site that's based around booze. Kind of like Flickr, but people drink more.

Aaaaanyway, a few weeks back 3 friends and I had a drunken adventure here at my place, and somewhere in the course of the evening we dug into my liquor cabinet and started experimenting with shooters. I've got recipes for 8 written down, but I haven't had a chance to confirm many of our findings. One, however, really stood out: something with the title Apple Crisp written next to it.

I took a look at the ingredients, and damned if it didn't sound like it'd make a good martini of sorts. So, I submitted it to Extra Tasty!, and today the Apple Crisp Martini got voted Drink of the Day.




Here's the link to the recipe.

A Drinking Song.

"WINE comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That's all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and I sigh."

~ William Butler Yeats

Seattle!

Well, kids, I've finally kicked off the Sacred and Most Holy Quest for the Three Hundred. Took a trip to Seattle this past weekend, and managed to rack up six new bars. And while I was at it, I realized that despite visiting a Red Robin or two in the past, I'd somehow forgotten to include it on my list.

So, the total now stands at 242. Here's how it happened: immediately after checking into the hotel, we decided to check out the bar in the lobby, Rain:



The service was very good, and the bar was kinda like a livingroom, albeit a damn nice one. The menus had copper covers, which really made me want to steal one for my own bar. I ended up visiting Rain again at the end of Saturday night's pub crawl.

Speaking of which, Saturday after the Emerald City Comicon, we headed for Pioneer Square and the surrounding area, looking for supper and a drink. Not necessarily in that order. We popped into Tiki Bob's Cantina, but there wasn't a soul in sight. We could hear noises from somewhere in back, but we've been to the movies - going to investigate would surely have resulted in somebody getting their arm chainsawed off, or their face made into a mask. Instead of splitting up to find the killer, we wisely went to F.X. McRory's instead:



Apparently the specialty at McRory's is whiskey:



Which is not to say that they ignore any of the other kinds:



They also had a ton of LeRoy Neiman art, much of which was apparently commissioned from the man himself:



Next we headed for Howl at the Moon, where we were entertained by a little musical comedy, and where we paid a ten-dollar cover charge and given a map of all the other bars we were now entitled to visit. I took a few pictures there, but sadly I had the flash turned off, since the booze was starting to kick in. At least I got another picture of liquor bottles before we left, though:



We were tempted to stay longer than a couple rounds, but duty called, and so we ventured to Fenix Underground, where apparently the 80s are alive and well.

Or at least alive. Considering they were playing Tiffany and Berlin videos, we didn't stay long. And on the way out I snapped the obligatory front-door shot:



Next stop was J&M Café & Cardroom, another spot that I'd like to spend more time in. The place had a high, vaulted ceiling and looked like it had some history to it. They also played some Georgia Satellites, which is infinitely better than Tiffany, as fine as she did grow up to be.



By now things were getting a little blurry, but we weren't about to stop. And besides, we were still milking that cover charge for all it was worth. We checked out another place (the Last Supper Club, possibly), but it was a little too reminiscent of the Fenix Underground, even if the proprietors did have access to a dictionary. So finally we stumbled to New Orlean's (the bar, not the city), a damn fine blues establishment:



(I really should've gotten a photo of the men's room, which featured stalls with sides about 4 feet tall, and about a thousand cartoon faces staring at you while you took a whiz. Definitely not for the shy of bladder.)

After that we started migrating back to our hotel, acquiring a cab somewhere along the way. Passing through the lobby, I saw world-renowned raconteurs Jim Mahfood and Dave Crosland drinking at Rain with various other funnybook luminaries, and ventured in to join them. The night wrapped up somewhere around 3:30, and that, as they say, was that.



Thank you, Seattle!

Quote of the Day - Mar. 31/05

"Ah, I can see by the four hands on the two clocks, it's booze o'clock."

~ Pól Rua

Is Nothing Sacred?

If you're a Texan and you like drinking in bars, you could be in trouble. Big Brother is watching you.

At the Bar.

A collection of booze-related photos, some of which you may already have seen.

St. Paddy's.

Souvenir of the big day yesterday:

Swag.

Apparently the blog is actually paying off; I received this amazing collection of goodies from an old friend of mine today.

Thanks, Joel. I promise it'll all be put to good use.

Extra Tasty!

Take a look at this website if you like to drink.

Quotes of the Day - Mar. 11/05

"Things are almost bad enough for a party."

~ The Billionaire Boys' Club

"To excess, forgetfulness, failure and blindness."

~ Chris-in-the-Morning, Northern Exposure

The Quest.

Sadly, my quest for 300 bars is currently on hiatus. Between the sprained ankle and the cashflow shortage, at this point I'm still just compiling names.

That being said, I'm travelling to Seattle the end of the month, and L.A. and San Diego in July, so that oughta bring the count up a little.

Quote of the Day - Mar. 06/05

"The problem with this world is that everyone in it is three drinks behind."

~ Humphrey Bogart

Quote of the Day - Mar. 05/06

"Happiness is finding two olives in your martini when you're hungry."

~ Johnny Carson

Quotes of the Day - Mar. 01-04/06

Shit, I'm way behind here. Real life has been getting in the way, I think.

Time to play catchup:

"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."

~ Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

"An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do."

~ Dylan Thomas

"The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober."

~ William Butler Yeats

"To temperance...in moderation."

~ Lem Motlow (Jack Daniel’s nephew and proprietor of the Jack Daniel Distillery)

Make Your Reservations Now.

If you can wait ten years, the Bruichladdich Distillery is taking orders for a batch of 184-proof (92% alcohol) Scotch.

Details here.

Something You Should Try.

If you've been in a few bars, you probably know how secretive bartenders can be about their specialties. But sometimes, if you're very lucky - or the bartender is drunk - you can squeeze a recipe or two out of them. Case in point: the Smuggler's Jug, in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island.

(That's in Canada.)

Anyhow, a Jug Special, assuming they still make 'em these days, is a big, fishbowl-sized beverage that's just delicious, even if it does veer dangerously into chick-drink territory. And my old drinkin' buddy Lloyd must've sweet-talked somebody there into coughing up the recipe, because he was kind enough to pass it on to me. So without further ado:

1 ounce white rum
1/2 ounce vermouth
1/2 ounce apricot brandy
lemonade
orange juice
grenadine

It won't put hair on your chest, but it sure does taste good.

Quote of the Day - Feb. 28/06

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."

~ David Moulton

Quotes of the Day - Feb. 26-27/06

Since I was negligent in providing a quote yesterday, you get two today:

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."

~ Dave Barry

"People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot."

~ Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Quote of the Day - Feb. 25/06

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."

~ W.C. Fields

Quote of the Day - Feb. 24/06

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

Quote of the Day - Feb. 23/06

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."

~ Dean Martin

A Bar by Any Other Name.

Barrel house
Blind pig
Blind tiger
Blood bank
Booze shed
Gin joint
Gin palace
Howff
Piss palace
Puke factory
Roadhouse
Speakeasy
Strong water shop
Watering hole

Dirty Drinks.

Adios Motherfucker.
Angel's Tit.
Aphrodite's Love Potion.
Ball Banger.
Ball or Head.
Bend Me Over.
Better Than Sex.
Between the Sheets.
Big Red Hooter.
Birth Control.
Bloomer Remover.
Blowjob.
Buttfuck.
Garter Belt.
Horny Monkey.
Illicit Affair.
Itchy Bag.
Jack Off.
Jizzum.
Maybe Later.
Orgasm.
Penetrator.
Screaming Blue Fuck.
Screaming Orgasm.
Sex on the Beach.
Sixty-Niner.
Slippery Nipple.
Slow Comfortable Screw Up Against the Wall, Mexican Style.
Spicy Affair.
Strip & Go Naked.
Suck & Blow.
Two Dogs Fucking.
Vanessa Williams (hot chocolate + cherry liqueur)
Virgin.
Virgin Killer.
Wet Dream Cocktail.
Warm Blonde.

The Whisky PC.

For all you computer nerds who like to drink, check this out. I really oughta be posting this blog from one of those.

300 Bars.

My lifetime count for bars is 235 at present. A joke compared to Barman's 1000 bars, but what can ya do? Well, I've decided to shoot for 300 by the end of 2006. It seems pretty feasible to me.

Already e-mailed a bunch of friends lookin' for suggestions, and so far I've got a list of 11 new prospects.

Wish me luck.

My Dad's Bar.

This has been an ongoing project for a long time now. Years ago, my dad was in some store that was going out of business, and ended up buying the front counter and making a bar out of it. It's a full wet bar with fridge. I usually bartend their Christmas parties from behind it.

(Needless to say, it was the inspiration for my bar.)

Anyhow, he just built the rack you see hanging over the bar, so I figured I'd show it off. Only thing the place needs now is a stripper pole.

Te-kill-ya.

My cousin e-mailed this to me. No idea what the original source is, but it's funny as hell, and pretty close to the truth:

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Are you depressed? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.

Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila.

Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Appleton Estates.

This isn't a paid endorsement, but I love this stuff. Once you've tried it, other rums just don't measure up. It's the sweet, sweet nectar of the gods.

Thankfully, the word is spreading. It used to be damn near impossible to find in bars, but these days I'm seeing it all over the place.

Hosannah.

Bar Tip #3

Don't be a cheapskate. Drinking at a bar is a sort of financial relationship; a fiscal give-and-take. And if you don't give, you won't get to take.

And while we're on the topic, if you're one of those proud non-tippers, then ask for your own damn bill, instead of shafting everybody else.

The Wheel of Doom - Version 3.0

Just finished it a couple hours ago. We'll be breaking it in tonight, for my friend Todd's birthday.

Sadly, there won't be any ducks present.

Shotglasses.

I'm starting to build a decent collection here. Enough that when I throw a party, they don't all get used, anyhow. Pretty soon I'll have to build myself a second shotglass rack. (No damn idea where I'll put it, though.)

Here's how things look at the moment.

The Wheel of Doom - Version 2.0

Got pics of my brother's Wheel yesterday. Here it is, in all its glory:



Now I'm planning to build one for a friend's birthday next weekend.

Old Bartender Tricks.

Here's one: if you see a potential big tipper who's having mixed drinks, start mixing the drink less and pouring the booze in on top. He'll think you're a generous bartender and a swell guy, and act accordingly.

New Year's Grab Bag

A few booze-related tidbits to kick off 2006:

Lego Kegstand

The Superfriends Drinking Game

Zombie Recipes

Alcoholica Esoterica

Home Bar Plans

Bar Accessories