Bar Tip #2.

When you're bellied up to the bar and there's people waiting behind you, get your damn drink and get out of the way.

A Tip of the Hat.

A few of my favourite bartenders, waiters, waitresses, bouncers, doormen and DJs over the years:

John Henaberry, Tick Watts, Barbie McGregor, Deana Bugden, Sue Bell, Sandra Skeffington, Denise Bonnyman, Steve Chaisson, John Flood, Rob Mackenzie, Scott Ferris and Rachel Whittaker, all from the Avenues/Myron's in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island.

Chris Sawyer at Doc's Corner, also in Charlottetown.

Top-Forty Gordie at the Tradewinds, Charlottetown.

Veronica at Rocky's in Saint John, New Brunswick.

Diane Churchill at Apothecary's (AKA the Dip), in Charlottetown.

Spiros at Luvafair in Vancouver.

Lisa & Lisa at the Playhouse, Charlottetown.

Fritz at the Blarney Stone, Vancouver.

Linda at the Marble Arch, Vancouver.

Travis at Henry's Pub in San Diego.



And a lot more whose names escape me at the moment.

(I've also been remiss in not crediting Professor Ron Baker from the University of Prince Edward Island, for inspiring all of this in the first place, way back in 1987.)

Drunk as...

... a skunk.

... a monkey.

... three bears.

... a pair of fleas in a gin bottle.

... a boot.

... an old shoe.


Which ones am I missing here?

Bar Tip #1.

I've decided, as a public service, to start a series of pointers on bar etiquette, since every time I go out lately, there's some rookie who has no idea how to behave in a bar. Without further ado:

#1: The doorman is your friend. If there's a lineup, he's the guy who can get you in. And pissing him off won't accelerate that process. So don't be an asshole - stay calm, make some small talk, and don't ask him every ten seconds if you can go in now. Act like an adult, in other words.

And if some drunk college girl starts hassling the guy, roll your eyes or shake your head as if to say, "what a dumb bitch." Even if she's with you.

Hell, especially if she's with you. Otherwise you'll be waitin' outside all night while she argues with the doorman.

An Important Life Lesson.

You've probably heard it before, and you might even think it's an old wives' tale. But ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I'm here to tell you - never, ever mix the grain and the grape.

Trust me on this.

Vomitorium.

I'm not much of a puker, but sad to say, it wasn't exactly an... uncommon occurrence in my college days. Not too surprising, then, that there's such a wealth of vomit-related terms in booze culture:

Barf.
Blow chunks.
Blow cookies.
Blow groceries.
Calling dinosaurs.
Call for Ralph.
Charf.
Chunder.
Divulge dinner.
Drive the porcelain bus.
Eat backwards.
Flash the hash.
Have a Harley Earl.
Heave.
Laugh at the floor.
Lose your lunch.
Order yogurt.
Puke.
Ralph.
Recycle your groceries.
Return your doughnuts.
Reverse chug.
Reverse gears.
Scream at the ants.
Sell a Buick.
Shout at the floor.
Sing soup.
Spew chunky.
Spill your groceries.
Talk to Ralph/Earl/Beulah on the big white phone.
Technicolor scream.
Technicolor yawn.
Throw doughnuts.
Toss your cookies.
Toss your tacos.
Upchuck.
Woof your cookies.
Yak.
Zuke.



Your cheery thought for the day.

10 Guaranteed Hangover Cures:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

A Little Culture.

Friends of Mine.

I think these are pretty much self-explanatory:

Alkie
Bar squid
Bar trash
Booze hag
Booze hound
Dipso
Elbow bender
Fish
Flagon dragon
Fucked-up bunny
Juice pig
Liquor pig
Liquor stain
Lounge lizard
Lush
Party animal
Party monster
Pay-day drunk
Piss tank
Pounder
Rummy
Soak
Soaker
Sot
Sponge
Swill belly
Swill pig
Toper
Wastoid
Weekend warrior
Wino



Did I miss anyone?

Multiculturalism.

How to raise a toast in 16 different languages:

Cheers (English)
Prosit (German)
Salut (Italian)
Cin Cin (Italian)
Skal (Swedish)
Oogy Wawa (Swahili)
Kan Bei (Japanese)
Na Zdorovia (Polish)
Naz Dar (Hungarian)
Mabuhay (Turkish)
Salud (Mexican)
Genatzt (Armenian)
Sláinte (Irish)
Sanda bashi (Pakistani)
A sua saude (Portugese)
Serefe (Turkish)


Because, hey, you just never know.

Almost Forgot...

... to post this photo of my pride and joy. Took me a year and $2500* to build it, but it was all worth it in the end.

Everybody should have one, don't ya think?

*Copper is really expensive.

In the Beginning...

So this is the inaugural post. 'Spose I should start with something introductory, then:

Many years ago, after the earth's crust cooled and dinosaurs still walked the earth, I started a Dictionary of Booze as a term paper for a linguistics course. It's grown into a 3-inch binder over the years, which has been affectionately dubbed the Big Book of Booze. There's been a bit of talk since then about trying to publish it in some format, but it's mostly been drunk talk, so you can imagine how productive that's been.

Anyhow, it finally occurred to me tonight that a blog would be a good way to at least get this shit organized, finally. So here we are: the Big Blog of Booze.

And since booze and music go so well together, here's a few of my favourite drinkin' songs to kick this off:

"The Dirty Glass" (Dropkick Murphys)
“Beer Drinkers & Hell Raisers” (ZZ Top)
“Broken Whiskey Glass” (Jason & the Scorchers)
“Drank Like a River” (Whiskeytown)
“Gin Guzzlin’ Frenzy” (Mojo Nixon & Skid Roper)
“Have a Drink on Me” (AC/DC)
“I Got Loaded” (Los Lobos)
“If Only You Were Lonely” (The Replacements)
“Lager & Ale” (Kim Mitchell)
“Lost Weekend” (Beat Farmers)
“Margaritaville” (Jimmy Buffett)
“Night Train” (Guns N’Roses)
“One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer” (John Lee Hooker)
“Red Red Wine” (Replacements)
“Roadhouse Blues” (The Doors)
“Shape I’m In” (ARC Angels)
“Tequila” (The Champs)
“Tequila Sunrise” (The Eagles)
“This Drinkin’ Will Kill Me” (Dwight Yoakam)
“Too Drunk to Dream” (Whiskeytown)
“Whisky Heaven” (Fats Domino)
“Why Don’t We Get Drunk & Screw?” (Jimmy Buffett)
“You Must Not Be Drinkin’ Enough” (Don Henley)
“Closing Time” (Semisonic)
“Home for a Rest” (Spirit of the West)
“Sally MacLennane” (the Pogues)
"Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" (Dropkick Murphys)
"Drink Up and Be Sombody" (Merle Haggard)
"Picasso's Last Words" (Paul McCartney & Wings)
"Cold Gin" (KISS)
"Ain’t Got no Money to Pay for this Drink” (George Zimmerman and the Thrills)
“Wine, Wine, Wine” (Electric Flag)
“Don’t Come Home A Drinkin’” (Loretta Lynn)
“Daddy and the Wine” (Porter Waggoner)
“I Drink” (Mary Gauthier)
“Sloppy Drunk” (Jimmy Rogers)
“I Ain’t Drunk” (Lonnnie The Cat)
“It Ain’t Far to the Bar” (Johny Tyler and His Riders of the Rio Grande)
“Rum and Coca Cola” (Andrew Sisters)
“Who Will Buy the Wine” (Charlie Walker)
“Buddy Stay Off the Wine” (Betty Hall Jones)
“Whiskey You’re the Devil” (Clancy Bros and Tommy Makem)
“I Drink” (Charles Aznavour)
“What’s on the Bar” (Hank Williams Jr.)



Bottoms up.